day sixty-three.

you tickled me with the pure rarity of love. caught me in its embrace and swallowed me up. i can feel it rushing through the cracks in the tiles, and oozing through the slits of the closed doors and shut shutters. it seeps through everything and wraps its smoky claws around my waist, holding me.
those eyes so hard to read, deep and dark and empty. an abyss. so many secrets. but none. the waters of your iris rest upon mine and i am lost. safe in the wild embrace you lent me. don't ever let go, for i will break. i will shatter and scream and wail into the existence of nothing without you.
i need you to help me breathe, for my ribcage is crumpled. my lungs making room for the bulging force making its way through me, melting through my bones and occupying itself in my heart. my brain. my stomach.
coldness doesn't live here, there's no such thing as ice; except for the chilled blood in my fingers. moving slowly. congested like the traffic jam, where we sat on the backseat and the warmth of your smile reverberated throughout the enclosed space. resting on my shoulder and making a nest in the dips of my collar bones. you consumed me. and the beauty of it all is how wonderful it is.

day sixty-two.

ahhhh, happiness :3

day sixty-one.

it terrifies me that you might lose interest in me, that i'll get boring and you'll have more fun being with someone else.
and it's not because i don't trust you, but because that's the kind of person i've been led to believe i am. boring.
so i try so hard to keep your interest. and sometimes i believe it myself. it's not a lie. and i'm sorry if i seem over the top. but it's all in good reason, because if you lose interest, i lose you. and breaking my heart is something you said you wouldn't do.
if i had my way, i'd be with you forever.
and then i think about it; how nothing lasts forever, and think how its such bullshit. what's the point of living if you have that kind of perspective on life: nothing lasts forever. if you thought like that, then you wouldn't love anything, and without loving you're not living.
and i'm living for you.
and you are my life.
my love.

day sixty.

A: I don't know why you don't think you're beautiful.
B: It's because I'm not.
A: You are so beautiful.

day fifty-nine.

-Silence.

B: What? What are you thinking?
A: I.. really love you.
B: I love you too.

day fifty-eight.

everything's happenin' so fast.
literally.

time seems to zoom past me like a train, a train i want to catch but it forgets to stop, forgets to slow down so that i can jump on board.
if only i could catch this train, then i wouldn't be behind. i'd be on track and heading where i want to be going.
it's not like i'm unhappy, in fact i'm far from it. i've not been so happy in such a long time.
but time is getting ahead of me and the work is piling up. time is ticking. and i'm almost oblivious.

day fifty-seven.

he told me he loved me today
and not via text messaging or msn or skype
but to my face

he's just too cute
and i love him too

<3

day fifty-six.

i'm just so so happy.
and i needed to document it, because it's not often i feel this great.
i love my friends and my boyfriend and my family.
i love life right now.
i dont want this feeling to stop.

it's so fucking awesome, takes my mind off the fact that i have a test tomorrow, that i have a headache and aaah. i'm just so happy. this post is crappy but i dont even care!

;D

day fifty-five.

i'm more scared that he'll get bored of me than anything else...

day fifty-four.

it feels like i'm constantly wasting time.
like i don't have the energy, my willpower has shrunk to an insignificant speck of dust. and i hate it.
i want to feel interested in my work and hobbies. but i'm not.
and argh. ARGH. alangkndfglkndg.

day fifty-three.

i don't want to cry.
stop it.

day fifty-two.

never have i felt this way about anyone.
i cant even control it anymore.
and i'm so damn happy.
because you're mine and i'm yours.

you make me feel wonderful.

day fifty-one.

sometimes i think i have problems.
my moods can change so quickly.
and i don't know why.

sometimes its a good thing,
helps me overcome some obstacles and move on with life.

sometimes its worse,
you know you're the happiest you've ever been yet there's always something in your mind ruining it for you.

sometimes i feel like there's two of me.

and i have to satisfy both.

i want to kill one of them.
sometimes.

day fifty.

maybe its going too fast.
maybe you'll look back on this and think how immature it all was.
maybe not.
maybe this is it.
maybe this is the best thing that has ever happened to you.
maybe you should stop questioning it and cherish it.
maybe nothing lasts forever.

day forty-nine.

i need to sort this out.

i'm being stupid about this entire situation.

a levels are important, so you have to give a shit whether you want to or not.
so get your fucking shit together and motivate yourself. care. work. do it all. otherwise you'll regret it.

do you really want to be that person? a failure?
so sort yourself out. however you want to do it. just make sure you do it.

day forty-eight.

stop being a fucking idiot
why are you worried
why are you jealous


so fucking what he's talking to his ex
they're still friends
she's your friend, she wouldn't fuck it up for you


so why are you being so fucking stupid
get a grip

be fucking happy
for once in your life.

day forty-seven.

i'm so happy.

day forty-six.

i can't stop thinking about you.
you're constantly on my mind.


i wonder if you think of me as much as i think of you?

day forty-five.

i want your hand in mine. again.
i want to feel you stroke my skin. again.
i want to feel your eyes on me. again.
i want to savour that kiss.
that one kiss.
that soft, magical kiss.
i want it all again.
i want you.

day forty-four.

now you're mine.
all this insanity running through my veins; eliminated by the comforting thought that i actually have you.