day forty-three.

i fucking want him
i cant stop thinking of what's going to happen
i cant stop imagining being with him
kissing him
fucking him
falling asleep with him
waking up the next day and not feeling ashamed
feeling in love.

day forty-two.

A: (sobbing) it's the worst thing that could happen to a thirteen year old.
B: (also sobbing) the worst fucking thing
A: but then.. something amazing happened (hears a noise outside and looks out the window) and.. here she is right now

<3

day forty-one.

and the tears won't stop.

day forty.

i don't even know why i'm jealous.
i don't.

why should i be?

day thirty-nine.

i want to cry.
out of happiness.
sadness.
defeat.
accomplishment.
scepticism.
fear.
excitement.
feelings that contradict each other and combine to form a mass of emotions growing inside of me. i need to let it out and tears are the only method.

day thirty-eight.

just.
ah.
:}

day thirty-seven.

should i judge how genuine you're being

or cast aside all doubts and jump into this pool of wonder?

day thirty-six.

it's all happening so fast.

i'm not used to these crazy feelings.

like, whirlpools in my stomach as i anticipate your face. your body. your presence.

day thirty-five.

Eigenlijk

Ik ga zo met je praten

Dus nu is het moeilijk om mij te verstaan

Ik wil met je nu zijn

Ik wil met je slaapen

Ik wil je kussen

Ik wil je houden

day thirty-four.

the only thing that's scaring me is...

this is the first time someone has truly had feelings for me, in the same way i have them.

and i don't know how to handle it.

i don't know if it's real.