day forty-three.

i fucking want him
i cant stop thinking of what's going to happen
i cant stop imagining being with him
kissing him
fucking him
falling asleep with him
waking up the next day and not feeling ashamed
feeling in love.

day forty-two.

A: (sobbing) it's the worst thing that could happen to a thirteen year old.
B: (also sobbing) the worst fucking thing
A: but then.. something amazing happened (hears a noise outside and looks out the window) and.. here she is right now

<3

day forty-one.

and the tears won't stop.

day forty.

i don't even know why i'm jealous.
i don't.

why should i be?

day thirty-nine.

i want to cry.
out of happiness.
sadness.
defeat.
accomplishment.
scepticism.
fear.
excitement.
feelings that contradict each other and combine to form a mass of emotions growing inside of me. i need to let it out and tears are the only method.

day thirty-eight.

just.
ah.
:}

day thirty-seven.

should i judge how genuine you're being

or cast aside all doubts and jump into this pool of wonder?

day thirty-six.

it's all happening so fast.

i'm not used to these crazy feelings.

like, whirlpools in my stomach as i anticipate your face. your body. your presence.

day thirty-five.

Eigenlijk

Ik ga zo met je praten

Dus nu is het moeilijk om mij te verstaan

Ik wil met je nu zijn

Ik wil met je slaapen

Ik wil je kussen

Ik wil je houden

day thirty-four.

the only thing that's scaring me is...

this is the first time someone has truly had feelings for me, in the same way i have them.

and i don't know how to handle it.

i don't know if it's real.

day thirty-two.

what is this? what are all these nerves? why do i feel sick?

i just don't understand my body.

day thirty-one.

"No, i do want to hug you and kiss you and talk to you and go on dates with you."

o rly? ;D

i don't want to get my hopes up. i don't want to screw things up.

but how come you haven't done any of these things?

ugh my mind is why things get messed up.

stfu mind.

>o

day thirty.

you looked so good today. i couldn't help but stare.

and see you looking back at me.

:3

day twenty-nine.

you're so cute i want to put you in my pocket and carry you everywhere with me.

cliche. but yes.

day twenty-eight.

i want to fall asleep with you next to me at night, and wake up to see you still right there next to me.

i want you to hold me in your arms and kiss me and tell me you love me.

i want a relationship so i have a reason to be with you. it's not just infatuation. it's not just lust.

at least i hope it isn't.

i hope it's more.

day twenty-seven.

i'm fucking sick of all this.

you've known me six years yet you don't know me at all. so don't fucking assume you're right when really you're not. it hurts to know you think of me that way.

that's not who i am.

believe it.

i'm human.

day twenty-six.

nah, don't worry about it.

i'm used to it.

day twenty-five.

i just don't know.

day twenty-four.

i just want to break down into tears.

but then i realise, no one cares. i don't need to make a scene.

i can suffer in silence.

with water running down my face while everyone else is soundly sleeping.

i can do that.

day twenty-three.

i'm drowning in this mass of writing;

i can't breathe.

i don't know how to function.

i just don't know...

day twenty-two.

fireworks night -

hugs? yes, lots of them.

..but not from the one person i wanted them from.

you.

day twenty-one.

basically... everything i do... is to please you.

day twenty.

a guy and a girl can just be friends, but at one point or another they will fall for eachother.

maybe temporarily.

maybe too late.

maybe at the wrong time.

or maybe forever.

day nineteen.

i am beyond caring if you are beyond caring.

day eighteen.

i'm scared to lose you and you're not even mine.

day seventeen.

you dropped your books for me and caused a crowd. just for a hug. :3

day sixteen.

i'm so. fucking. tired. of being alone.

day fifteen.

i need to stop trying so damn hard.

day fourteen.

the best part is...imagine the shock from everyone else if we could develop from this.

day thirteen.

if everyone could see what's on my mind, they'd think i was crazy.

it's always you i'm thinking of, all the time. all day long.

i wish i wasn't.

day twelve.

maybe he thinks i'm just pretending; when in fact all i speak is the truth.

day eleven.

i had a chance.

i had a chance and i took it.

i took it.

i took it.

day ten.

ik hou van jou.

day nine.

i'm jealous of the people who get to see you everyday.

day eight.

i shouldn't be embarrassed for imagining me and you together. i shouldn't be reluctant to tell you that you're always on my mind. i shouldn't but i am. in case i'm wrong.

day seven.

i can't decipher this.

which parts of this are real?

day six.

guess what?

i want it to happen.

soon.

day five.

this is my journey.

this is how it happens.

day four.

dreams - the door to the mind, the expression of inner wants, the predictions of times to come.

day three.

i wish something could have happened. last night was full of hope...fireworks...tension.

day two.

Him: I'm thinking

Me: About?

Him: Would it be weird if I said you?

Me: Not really :}

Him: Coz I am

Me: Why's that?

Him: I'm not sure why I'm thinking of you

Me: I have the power to occupy your mind :}

Him: You do. Even when I'm playing Fallout I think of you.

Me: Dats some power

Him: Maybe my hearts telling me something

Me: Maybe

Him: I can't concerntrate. I'll just sit here and think of you then.

day one.

every night i lie in bed wishing there was someone lying next to me. so i can fall asleep with the warmth of another body next to mine. so i can feel safe. so i can feel loved.